Bad Role Models
By Melody Johnson
Hey guys, this is my 11th pod cast recording, and today I’m going to talk to you about bad role model manners. Now this is not one of your my typical pod casts where it’s all up bit and positive. This is more of a proclamation pod cast that I am doing particularly because it was in request by some parents, teachers and coaches who’ve been listening to this I pass asking if I can address some of the issues that are associated with bad manners that we have. So 1st one I want to talk about because there are 3 different bad manners that we have as parents, teachers and coaches that we should be mindful of and work towards correcting so that we can counterbalance the example that we leave for children because a lot of times we bad example.
The 1st line is gossiping, we are all victims of this, whether we’re parent, teacher or a coach in front of children talking negatively about other people. To give you an example right now this is October 2016, so if you’re listening this is in real time, you know that the election is going on right now and a lot of people are very-very passionate about the candidate that they support and they tend to become very angry and aggressive towards the other candidate and they speak in this tone, in manner that is a very bad leaves terrible examples for children who are listening. So to give you an example, if you and your spouse are in the kitchen and you’re a big Donald Trump fan and you’re calling Hillary Clinton crooked Hillary and corrupt and she belongs in jail, and whether you believe this or not the way you talk about her in front of your kids is leading by a terrible example, this is how bullying happens in the 1st place and vice versa if you’re Hillary fan and you’re talking about Trump and you’re saying things like he’s disgusting and he’s an abuser.
And he’s corrupt and going on and on and on about him in a negative tone and manner in front of your children then you’re leading by bad example and that is what’s leading to bullying from your children to other people as well. One day… the other day I was sitting outside and having lunch downtown St Petersburg and a couple kids were riding their bikes down the road and one kid and excuse my language but one kid riding his bike was saying Hillary sucks and he was saying it over and over and over again driving down the road and he got that from his parents or he got that from his friends, who got that from his parents. So this again just shows the example of how gossiping negatively about other people in front of our children is definitely setting a bad example for them. So if we want to get rid of the hate and anger and bullying in our children, in our children and in todays society it starts with us in how we talk about other people in front of them. Particularly people that we disagree with, that we don’t like or we have an issue with.
The 2nd bad manners that we have is with our tech time, so if we’re telling our children that they can play with their i Pad while you’re driving in the car but yet you are texting while you’re driving, what kind of example are you setting for them or you’re telling your kids no you can’t play pokemon, go outside because walking around while you’re looking at your device could distract you and you can get hit by a car. But yet they see you when you’re driving your car and you’re checking your text messages or you’re on your phone, then you’re being hypocritical and you have bad manners that you’re setting for your children. Even in the uses of technology, so if you’re telling your children that they can only use their I pad for an hour but you’re constantly on your phone, constantly on your tablet, constantly on your laptop, then you’re being hypocritical and as I remember critical with if I have your children are in front of you students you’re just becoming retroactive for the lessons that you’re teaching them because they’re start to not respect the rules that you set forth, thinking that they’re very one sided.
Now granted, I get it if you’re on your phone or your computer or your tablet or you’re doing research you’re doing work. Whatever it is that is very important but yet you tell the kids that they can’t play games or they can’t do anything on their , then again you know they’re looking at you they don’t understand that one sided mindset that you have, so these are bad manners, so try to restrict yourself if you’re restricting them. However, I do want to say that I personally am a big believer in technology for children, this is our future there are so many opportunities with technology to become an entrepreneur at any age I know children that are young is the age of 9 that are Internet superstars that are making money off of technology.
Obviously not everybody is going to have the skill but I find that restricting children from using their i Pad, from using from having a smartphone just because you don’t think that they’re old enough I think that now you’re starting to you’re starting to miss the concept. This is a whole new generation and there’s a lot more benefits to technology that outweigh the potential dangers of using technology. To give you an example, my son who’s 2 years old, he has an i Pad. He’s on kid lowland almost every day which is an app where he’s learning how to match shapes, understand his colors, he can almost mumble his A.B.C.’s, there’s a lot of things he’s gaining from being on his i Pad. Now granted we do restrict it, he’s not allowed to use i Pad when he goes the bed or when he’s taking a nap but we also don’t bring our i Pads or our phones into the bedroom either, so that we lead by a good example. So these are just things that typically we look at as not bad manners but you have to look at it from the perspective of the child as well. So if you’re going to restrict them make sure that you’re mindful of the time that you’re using your technology, especially please don’t text and drive at all. But definitely don’t do it in front of yours kids because that’s setting a bad example.
And then the final line is I lack of enough attention. Let me give you some examples you know let’s say your kid draws you a picture and gives it to you and then you say oh this is nice and then you hang on your refrigerator and then that’s it. This is kind of bad manners too, even though you acknowledge them drawing a picture, the depth of your attention is just as important as the time, as the attention itself right? And let me explain it to you in another way, your child comes over give you a paper that they drew, stop what you’re doing, get down on one knee, look at the picture, look him in the eye give my heart say thank you ask them when they drew it, ask them what inspired them to draw, taking that extra time to give them that extra attention is going to teach them the concept of appreciation, which we need more adults who understand the value of appreciation and attention these days.
Same thing if you’re a teacher or a martial arts instructor, you’re a coach and your student comes up to you and him brings you a paper or picture that they spent a lot of time drawing for you, take the time to stop, get down on one knee look him in the eyes thank them for taking the time to call you that picture ask them when they do it, what inspired them to do it? Ask them a little bit about the picture, tell them to… get them to talk a little bit of detail. This depth of appreciation will go a very long way with that child, teaching them that their you value the time of attention, teaching them about appreciation that’s going to help them become a better version of themselves.
So even being mindful of your time with your students, be mindful of your time with your children. For example I try to get all my important work done when my son is not around and then for example I’m in the office and I’m working on email and my son comes in and he wants me to read him a book and I know the email can wait. I’m going to close my laptop I’m going to sit in my chair and I’m going to read the book with them, give them that attention that he needs right in they are saying wake me and I’m going to get some emails done even though those emails are important it’s very bad manners to do that those are not good habits that you want to set for your children.
My son even knows to respect my time, so if I am in the middle of an important email he will know because I’m in the middle of an important email, I will stop when I’m doing give him the attention he needs but if it’s something important I would tell him Hey Dan let me finish this email and I will come play drums with you. He respects and he knows he trusts that I’m going to do that because I follow through on that. So make sure to follow through on any attention that you promised your children as well be it whether they’re your child or be it that they’re student. So for example if you’re in class and one of your students says Master melody I really need to speak with you and you say that right now, then you’re being dismissive and that’s not really good manners. What I will try to do is I will… if it’s very important that child tries to speak with me at that moment. I will try to redirect the rest of the class to another instructor and give them the attention that they need right now or I will say Give me 5 more minutes to finish this particular drill and then you and I can have a talk and I can find out what you need and I will do my best to help you.
Same thing if you’re a teacher, same thing if you’re a coach, trying not to dismiss them when they need attention, you may not realize it’s important to them but a lot of times if they have the courage to say that they need to speak with you it’s probably important. So one more time let’s review, be sure be mindful of when you gossip in front of your kids it can be very retroactive for them if you’re gossiping negatively about another person. And the other thing is make sure that you’re very mindful of your use of tech time in front of them especially if you’re going to restrict their use in tech time. And be very mindful of the depth of your attention that you give them you want to make sure that you respect their time, you respect their gestures in a way that shows a deep amount of respect and appreciation.
So if we want to raise respectful kids who are very appreciative of things, it starts with us. So these 3 topics on bad role model manners are going to… if we are mindful of them, we’re not going to be perfect we are going to make mistakes but if we’re mindful of them and we try to re-correct them, so for example let’s just talk about gossiping, if we’re talking negative about a little Johnny in front of our son then we can say you know what? What I said about uncle Johnny was disrespectful and it was wrong of me and I just realize that and I apologize that I lead by a bad example to you.
So you’re not going to be perfect, we are going to make mistakes I make tons of mistakes but I try to be very mindful of these bad manners and correct myself and I’ll catch myself and I will say something in front of my son when I do something wrong because I want to lead by good example for him and also let him know they he may make mistakes but it’s Ok to re correct those as well remember. Our job is to help children become better versions of themselves and it starts with us.
So thank you very much for taking the time to listen to this podcast, please do me a favor please share this podcast with your friends, your family, your parents, teachers, coaches, because collectively we can make the world a better place through techniques and strategies such as the ones I shared here on the pod cast. Thank you guys and have a great day.